One-legged liberal in Louisiana

Dear Auntie Belle,

Last week, I got really really drunk on whiskey and beer and brought out the old hunting rifle. After shooting holes in my walls and blasting my TV set, I ended up shooting myself in the leg and now I have to have surgery.

Why does the N.R.A. refuse to take full responsibility for my actions?

One-legged liberal in Louisiana

Dear One-legged,

I contacted the NRA on your behalf, and they sent the following reply:

Dear Auntie Belle,

We offer our condolences on Mr. One-legged's most recent accident. We ask him to take comfort in the knowledge he is running out of legs to shoot. For compensation, we are also enclosing a life-time job offer for him to gather all unbroken clay pigeons from our vast shooting range. Also, find a free lifetime membership, including rifles and ammunition, at the range for his father-in-law, Gimpy-legged. We believe the matter will draw a natural conclusion in a very short time.

Thank you,
The NRA

I'm so happy the NRA is helping you whilst making the world a safer place.

Auntie Belle