We
of the Dutcha Nostra are concerned that you have repeatedly cast our
membership in a bad light in your column. You may ask how we know
this without using any electronics or the internet? Well our young
men, who spend a year among the English and their foul ways, keep us
abreast of how the Brethren are portrayed in the media and on the
Whorled Wild Way or whatever you call it these days.
You
cannot defame the character of people who cannot read or respond to
your blog with impunity. So I have had this message sent by carrier
pigeon to a local English high school where it will be transcribed
and sent on to you. Do not mock the Amish. We have hit chickens
residing in 14 states. They are hungry and anxious to do our
bidding. Leave the Pennsylvania and other state affiliated Dutch
ALONE!
Yours
Sincerely,
The
Dutch Mafia
Dear
The Dutch,
Your
youth on Rumspringa may believe themselves worldly compared to the
simple lives they've previously led. They may also indulge in some
forms of technology such as computers. That they are trained in the
secret Amish Militia almost from birth was something not previously
known to the world. Thanks to your threat, I have loosed that secret
from my lips. It can never be unsaid nor erased. You are outed!
You
think I am not privy to all your other dirty secrets? I know it to be
fact that you dress English and pretend to be members of the cast
of 'Duck Dynasty' whilst perusing 'appliances' - electric ones. Your
excuse is to surreptitiously watch the televisions on display
and give a report each Sunday as to which dance mom became most
violent and if Chloe finally whipped Maddie's butt at the
recital! The public thinks the worst you do is run puppy mills,
but that's to defray attention from your real motivation -
over-taking the world of fashion.
Consider
yourselves on notice; Auntie Belle never backed off a fight in her
life, and I am thoroughly prepared to take on the entirety of
Lancaster, PA. Bring it!
Auntie
Belle
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