Too Feet Tall

Dear Auntie Belle,

My feet are killing me! They are too long for the bed, smell like the devil and the closet is running out of space for dead girlfriends.

Do they hang feet for murder?

 Too Feet Tall

Dear Two Feet,

I am hoping you meant  that your legs are too long; if it's your feet that are too long, I'd advise you to never go near a wooded area whilst dressed in a big, furry suit. Put a bit of baking soda in your bath water to neutralize your foot odor and invest in a package of charcoal socks. As to the dead girlfriends, I had a similar problem with old husbands. There was nought to be done but dig some holes and bury them. I rewarded myself with a lovely concrete patio after I…you know. And they say you can't keep a good man down…. Of course, you can.

Auntie Belle

PS: Do they hang feet for murder? Not if they're careful and have watched several episodes of CSI. Observe the world, Too Feet; learn from the mistakes of others.