Dear Auntie Belle,
I started dating a girl with multiple tattoos. That's not a big deal---I myself have a light blue Snuggles, the fabric-softener bear, just below my superfluous nipple. But this girl (let's call her Doris) has one tattoo which I'm finding to be particularly distracting. For starters, it's rather large and colorful, and unfortunately located in an area difficult to ignore during our preferred way of lovemaking. Furthermore, no matter how ornately embellished, it clearly began life as a swastika---a fact I didn't discover as soon as I should have, I'll grant you.
Now, seeing as how both of my parents -- both Gypsies -- barely survived the horrors of Bergen-Belsen, I find I am in need of sound advice from someone who can relate to the various issues mentioned. Should I break-up with her? Should I be offended that she wants to put a tiny Hitler mustache on Snuggles?
If we DO break-up, who will I blow up abortion clinics with? Auntie, please help!
Signed,
Dear Indelible Dilemma,
In the entire history of successful romances, opposites have always attracted. Jeffery Dahmer would have wed a vegetarian breeder of hairless cats had he simply allowed his fantasies to remain in his head. Eva Braun was nearly a saint, according to those who knew her. Penn and Teller, Ronald and Nancy Reagan are other examples. Go ahead and indulge your sweetheart, overlook her penchant for all things Hitler. And your parents obviously survived, so I see no reason for you or them to be so sensitive about the broken cross of the Third Reich. Lighten up. I think you deserve each other, anyway.
I started dating a girl with multiple tattoos. That's not a big deal---I myself have a light blue Snuggles, the fabric-softener bear, just below my superfluous nipple. But this girl (let's call her Doris) has one tattoo which I'm finding to be particularly distracting. For starters, it's rather large and colorful, and unfortunately located in an area difficult to ignore during our preferred way of lovemaking. Furthermore, no matter how ornately embellished, it clearly began life as a swastika---a fact I didn't discover as soon as I should have, I'll grant you.
Now, seeing as how both of my parents -- both Gypsies -- barely survived the horrors of Bergen-Belsen, I find I am in need of sound advice from someone who can relate to the various issues mentioned. Should I break-up with her? Should I be offended that she wants to put a tiny Hitler mustache on Snuggles?
If we DO break-up, who will I blow up abortion clinics with? Auntie, please help!
Signed,
Indelible Dilemma
Dear Indelible Dilemma,
In the entire history of successful romances, opposites have always attracted. Jeffery Dahmer would have wed a vegetarian breeder of hairless cats had he simply allowed his fantasies to remain in his head. Eva Braun was nearly a saint, according to those who knew her. Penn and Teller, Ronald and Nancy Reagan are other examples. Go ahead and indulge your sweetheart, overlook her penchant for all things Hitler. And your parents obviously survived, so I see no reason for you or them to be so sensitive about the broken cross of the Third Reich. Lighten up. I think you deserve each other, anyway.
Auntie Belle
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