Redi in Radcliffe

Dear Auntie Belle,

My wife recently won a trip to Greece on The Price Is Right. I refuse to accompany her because I think some time apart would be healthy for our marriage. She is going to take her sister, instead. They leave on Tuesday... Do you have any advice for two middle-aged ladies vacationing in Athens? Can you think of any "must see" destinations? Are there places they should avoid? Should they bring several bars of Lava soap, or will it be available on every street corner? Also, if you have any suggestions for how I might keep myself occupied for the next eight days I'd love to hear them. So far, I've stockpiled a 55 gallon drum of Vaseline and three cases of Ensure in the garage.There's also a fresh can of Redi-Whip in the fridge... Thanks. Signed,

Redi in Radcliffe

Dear Redi,

Greece has no place that could not also be designated a tourist attraction. I recall with much fondness my last visit to Greece. I happened upon a steamy bath house whereupon three dark-eyed, naked young men pounced upon me. Before I could protest, they had completely removed my clothing and led me down marble steps into the heated bath. I was speechless as they lovingly lathered me washing each toe separately, every crevice; not a part of me did they miss. They saved the Lava Soap for those special places … you know - elbows and heels. I emerged smooth, refreshed, weak-kneed, and then I was encased in a sun-warmed towel and tenderly dried by their busy but gentle hands…. I gave them every Euro I had and promised to return. Their eyes lingered upon my face as I bid them farewell. I must keep that promise. Soon. Uh, your wife will have a good time. Have fun with your…supplies. Gotta run…

Auntie Belle